Living with Stigma and Managing Sexual Identity: A Case Study on the Kotis in Dhaka

doi:10.4236/sm.2013.34034

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Sociology Mind

2013. Vol.3, No.4, 257-263

Published Online October 2013 in SciRes (http://www.scirp.org/journal/sm) http://dx.doi.org/10.4236/sm.2013.34034

Living with Stigma and Managing Sexual Identity: A Case Study

on the Kotis in Dhaka

Md. Azmeary Ferdoush

University of Dhaka, Dhaka, Bangladesh

Email: [email protected]

Received May 15th, 2013; revised August 1st, 2 0 1 3 ; a c cepted August 19th, 2013

mons Attribution License, which permits unrestricted use, distribution, and reproduction in any medium, pro-

vided the original work is properly cite d.

Identity as a koti in Dhaka as well as in Bangladesh has always been a stigmatized one. The study aims to

explore how the kotis in Dhaka manage their sexual identity and stigma attached with it. To do so eight-

een kotis were selected from two areas of Dhaka and unstructured face to face in-depth interviews were

conducted. The results show that the kotis in Dhaka have to face numbers of difficulties if their sexual

identity is disclosed and knowing or unknowingly they have adopted the stigma management strategies

identified by Goffman.

Keywords: Koti; Stigma; Identity; Dhaka; Bangladesh

Introduction

I tried to act like a normal boy when I was young. Because

everyone told me that I was not acting like a normal boy. My

parents used to punish me for my behavior. I learned from oth-

ers that I was not acting like a normal boy and I was so humili-

ated all the times by others that I always tried to act like a

normal boy. I used to observe other boys and tried to follow

their behavior pattern. Munmun, A Respondent.

In 1963, Goffman published his groundbreaking analysis on

stigma and defined stigma as “An attribute that is deeply dis-

crediting” (Goffman, 1963: p. 6). Goffman argues that to truly

understand stigma researchers should shift their attention from

a focus on attribution to a focus on relationship (Kaufman &

Johnson, 2004). Sexual identity of a koti is also a stigmatized

one in Bangladesh and they have to manage their sexual iden-

tity through different strategies which have been termed as

stigma management strategies by Goffman. Kotis in Dhaka city

have been found to adopt different types of stigma management

strategies during different stages of their sexual identity devel-

opment. Their identity as a koti is a stigmatized one and they

always have to be very much aware of managing this stigma.

As by definition it is clear that kotis are a subcategory of

homosexuals. But they are not the conventional homosexuals or

gays or bisexuals as we are used to know. They are a type of

male who think that psychologically they are females and have

been trapped i nto a body of a male. They assume all th e female

roles starting from performing the household chores to sexual

intercourse. They never play the penetrative role but only the

receptive role during sexual intercourse. But they are very hard

to identify as they don’t dress like females in public and they

don’t reveal their real identity in front of unknown. Why people

become homosexual has been a big question. Kirkpatrick (2000)

showed that there are three major reasons behind that. Genes

are the first according to him, Individuals who identify them-

selves as homosexual or bisexual are found in particular family

lines. Monozygotict twins have concordance for non-hetero-

sexuality at about twice the rate of dizygotic twins, suggesting

some genetic influence on the findings on family aggregation.

Hormones are second factor according to him though data are

contradictory concerning hormonal and developmental differ-

ences between those who engage in homosexual behavior and

those who do not. Finally Environment is the factor which con-

tributes to homosexual identity development. According to him

homosexual behavior is correlated with social and demographic

variables. Dubé (2000) also has shown support to this argument.

Military service increases the likelihood of homosexual behav-

ior by 50%. Public school attendance in England doubles the

likelihood of ado lesce nt homose xual behavior (K irk patrick , 2000).

Kaufman and Johnson (2004) have shown that there are dif-

ferent models of homosexual identity development which vary

from four to six stages but do not concentrate on the issue of

complex social connections and stigma. According to them

many of the homosexuals may abandon their homosexual iden-

tity reevaluation in different stages as a result of failing to cope

with stigma. Social responsibilities, choices and actions are all

related to self perception and adaptation over time. Finally ac-

cording to them these models fail to sufficiently acknowledge

that managing stigma and disclosure is a life-long process

(Kaufman & Johnson, 2004).

Homosexuals have to face stigma from the society much

more than any other groups because of the attitude existing

against them. As a result they always have to manage stigma

and adopt different stigma management strategies. The major

attitudes existing in the society about homosexuality have been

divided into four major categories by Gallagher (1979). Ac-

cording to him the first attitude toward homosexuality is that it

is intrinsically evil because it excludes all possibilities of pro-

creation. Second is that homosexuality is essentially imperfect

M. A. FERDOUSH

258

because it violates the normal norm of love making. Third the

society evaluates homosexual acts in terms of the relational sig-

nificance and the final category is that homosexuality is legiti-

mate by its own rights and is seen as not a problem at all (Gal-

lagher, 1979). But the last couple of attitudes are not the tradi-

tional society’s attitude; these are found more in the developed

world.

Sexual identity is also an important factor. How one’s sexual

identity is developed depends both on the social values and the

perception of the individual himself. Brekhus (1996) catego-

rizes six major dimensions of sexual identity. These are:

 Quantity of Sex e.g. slut, whore, tease, stud and so on.

 Timing of Sex e.g. too early, too late, pre-sexual and so on.

 Level of Enjoyment e.g. frigid women, impotent men, sex-

ual compulsives a n d so on.

 Degree of Consent e.g. exhibitionist, peeping tom and etc.

 Orientation e.g. homosexuals, child molesters, zoophiliacs,

gerentophiles a nd etc.

 Social Value of Agents e.g. rapist, virgin, perverse and many

more.

The sexual identity of the kotis can be categorized in the fifth

category which is termed as Orientation. The kotis are labeled

as what they are only because of their sexual orientation.

No study so far has been conducted in Bangladesh concern-

ing the stigma management and sexual identity of the kotis. The

real fact is that very few persons are aware of a different ho-

mosexual category called kotis in Bangladesh. There is a Non

Government Organization named Bandhu Social Welfare Soci-

ety (BSWS) which works toward the wellbeing of the stigma-

tized individuals and sexual minorities in Bangladesh. This is

the only reliable source from which one can come to know

about the kotis. A study conducted by the BSWS brought some

important data about the kotis in Bangladesh. The study was

conducted on 108 homosexuals of different categories among

whom 25 were kotis. It showed that about 18 out of the 25 kotis

had an income of less than 6000 BDT (US $ less than 100) per

month, 17 of them had studied less than or equal to H.S.C

(Twelve years of formal schooling), 20 out of 25 kotis were

aged between 20 to 30 years. On the other hand 10 of the re-

spondents reported police harassment over them in forms of

extortion, beating, blackmailing/threatening, restriction on move-

ments, sexual assaults and others. 22 of the respondents re-

ported sexual harassments over them. 23 of them also reported

harassment by the mastans (local muscle men) and goons

(Bondyopadhyay & Ahmed, 2011: pp. 21-29; Ahmed, 2011).

The current study focuses on the stigma management with

each of the stages of sexual identity development by the kotis in

Dhaka. These stages are adopted from the model of V. C. Cass

(1984). Cass’s model consists of six stages of identity devel-

opment, but here at this study the first four stages are discussed.

The final two stages are not elaborated as these were not found

relevant by the study for the discussions of stigma management.

All the respondents were found to say that they had to face lots

of problems from the society as well as from the family being a

koti and all the time they had to manage their stigmatized sex-

ual identity through different strategies.

Objective of the Study

The major objective of the study was to find out how the

kotis in Dhaka manage the stigma involved with their sexual

identity and what the strategies they adopted to do so were.

Methodology and Sources of Data

Data were collected from 18 kotis from Dhaka. Nine of the

kotis were selected from New Palton and the rest were selected

from Old Dhaka. Two types of nonprobability sampling were

used. First of all the respondents were selected purposively

from the branches of BSWS in the study areas. These respon-

dents were involved with BSWS either as employee or as reg-

istered members. Other respondents were selected using the

method of snowball sampling. Half the respondents were se-

lected purposively and the half was selected using snowball

sampling. All of them were first told about the purpose of the

study and the ethical issues considered by the researcher and

with their permission data have been collected. To ensure the

anonymity and privacy of the respondents no real name has

been used, all the names used in the research have been pseu-

donyms. An open ended checklist was developed to interview

the respondents and all the interviews were recorded with con-

sent of the respondents by an electronic recorder. On an aver-

age an interview took 93 minutes to be completed. Then the

whole interview was translated into English and was written

down with the original verbatim. Data have been analyzed

manually from the written interviews keeping the objectives in

mind. The checklist included 23 questions. All these questions

could be divided into seven major categories which included

general demographic questions, defining own sexual identity,

details about own sexual identity, reactions of others from the

society an d family, reacti on of own self af ter recei ving all these

reactions, relationship of them with their partners and finally

questions regarding the koti community. But only the questions

listed in the checklist were not asked, as all of the interviews

were open ended, numbers of questions were asked based on

the answers provided by the respondents and based on the ob-

jective of the study.

Stigma

This definition of stigma cited at the beginning is adopted by

the study to define homosexuality as a stigma. Thus a koti is a

stigmatized person in the society according to this definition.

Goffman (1963) categorized stigma into three major categories.

These are:

1) Abominations of the body or the various physical de-

formities.

2) Blemishes of individual character perceived as weak will,

domineering or unnatural passions, treacherous and rigid belief

and dishonesty, these being inferred from a known record.

3) Tribal stigma such as race, ethnicity, religious minority

and so on (Goffman, 1963).

Goffman’s analysis of stigma also showed four patterns of it

based on the process of socialization. According to Goffman:

“One pattern involves those with an inborn stigma who be-

come socialized into their disadvantageous situation even while

they are learning and incorporating the standards against

which they fall short. For example, an orphan learns that chil-

dren naturally and normally have parents, even while he is

learning what it means not to have any. After spending the first

sixteen years of his life in the institution he can later still feel

that he naturally knows how to be a father to his son.

A second pattern derives from the capacity of a family, and

to a much lesser extent a local neighborhood, to constitute itself

a protective capsule for its young. Within such a capsule a

congenitally stigmatized child can be carefully sustained by

M. A. FERDOUSH

means of information control. Self-belittling definitions of him

are prevented from entering the charmed circle, while broad

access is given to other conceptions held in the wider society,

ones that lead the encapsulated child to see himself as a fully

qualified ordinary human being, of normal identity in terms of

such basic matters as age and sex…

…A third pattern of socialization is illustrated by one who

becomes stigmatized late in life, or learns late in life that he has

always been discreditable—the first involving no radical reor-

ganization of his view of his past, the second involving this

factor. Such an individual has thoroughly learned about the

normal and the stigmatized long before he must see himself as

deficient. Presumably he will have a special problem in reiden-

tifying himself; and a special likelihood of developing disap-

proval of self…

…A fourth pattern is illustrated by those who are initially

socialized in an alien community, whether inside or outside the

geographical boundaries of the normal society, and who then

must learn a second way of being that is felt by those around

them to be the real and valid one.” (Goffman, 1963: pp. 29-32).

The third pattern of stigma is very much important for the

current analysis. This is the pattern by which the kotis realize

that they are being stigmatized in the society. All the kotis at

their childhood learned that they were different from other boys

and at their adolescence or at teen age, they started to realize

that they have always been a discreditable. At the very begin-

ning of their childhood they already had learnt the difference

between a normal and a stigmatized. It was long before they

realized their true sexual identity, they found themselves being

stigmatized by the society.

Goffman (1963) also differentiates a couple of states of a

stigmatized person. These are:

1) Discredited: A discredited person is one whose stigma is

obvious or well-known to others. His biggest concern is the

management of tension of that stigma.

2) Discreditable: A discreditable person is one whose stigma

is not obvious or known. His biggest concern is the manage-

ment of information about his stigma. He does not want to let

others know about his stigma.

A koti is simultaneously both a discredited and a discredit-

able individual. Sometimes when his behavior pattern reveals

his identity as a koti in front of others he becomes a discredited

person. On the other hand he always tries to control the infor-

mation about his sexual identity and wants to remain as a dis-

creditable individual. These two categories are very much im-

portant in analyzing the sexual identity of a koti in Bangladesh.

Stigma Management

Goffman (1963) also discussed about some strategies of s ti gma

management. Stigmatized individuals adopt different strategies

to manage their stigma. But when they fail to manage stigma

and fail to adopt these strategies they become a discredited in-

dividual. Thes e str ategies are discussed below.

1) Visibility

Visibility is the first management strategy discussed by Goff-

man. If a stigma is very much visible the person becomes dis-

credited. For example: a handicapped person. On the other hand

if the stigma is not easily visible the person is a discreditable

person and he always wants to conceal his stigma. For example:

a homosexual or a bisexual.

2) Personal Identity

Personal identity like a driving license, an identity card, or

even the name is also a management strategy of stigma. For

example a cri minal assumes pseudo name to hide his identity.

3) Biographical Others

For every individual there is a circle of known and unknown

persons. The known persons have the biographical information

about the individual and knows him deeply than others. To

these circle the individual cannot hide his stigma. On the other

hand there are other individuals to whom the person is none but

a stranger. It is easy to hide the stigma from them. But the

known persons who are termed as biographical others by Goff-

man (1963) constitute the social recognition of that individual.

4) Passing

Passing is an important stigma management strategy for the

stigmatized individuals. They try to pretend as normal in front

of others which is called passing. For example: A homosexual

pretending to be heterosexual in front of others is a strategy of

passing.

5) Information Control

Information control is somehow related to passing. The indi-

vidual tries to conceal the information about the features which

are labeled as stigma in a society.

6) Covering

Covering is related with the known and unknown. This is the

process by which an individual becomes discredited or discred-

itable.

7) In-Group Alignments

To manage stigma the stigmatized individuals create a group

of their own categories. This is called in-group alignment by

Goffman (1963).

8) Out-Group Alignment

Out-group alignment is the situation where a stigmatized in-

dividual attempts mixing with other normal individuals and

their groups. In this normal group of people sometimes the

stigmatized individual may have to do the ice breaking and

mix with them. It happens when the normal individuals fail

to ignore the stigmatized individual (Goffman, 1963 : pp. 42-97).

Findings

The major findings of the study can be categorized under two

sub categories. The first one is “stigma management with sex-

ual identity development” which discusses about the manage-

ment strategies adopted by the kotis during their sexual identity

development stages. The second one focuses on the problems

encountered by the kotis in Dhaka because of their stigmatized

identity.

The findings of the study are arranged in conformity to the

first four stages of Cass’s (1984) model. All these stages are

discussed below.

Identity Confusion

At this stage no one is ever sure about his own sexual iden-

tity and is in a doubt whether he is a homosexual or a hetero-

sexual. He hardly tells any one about his feelings and expresses

himself in front of others. It is a painful stage of identity con-

struction and at this stage previously held identities come into

question (Cass, 1984). Almost all the cases studied in this study

conform to all these characteristics of the first phase of identity

development.

For example Misti explains this stage of development as:

M. A. FERDOUSH

260

I came to know the term Koti after a long time in my life. But

when I was in class two or three I found that I liked to play with

dolls with my sisters, do household chores, cook, and all the

girlish types of games. Seeing these types of behavior my par-

ents used to ask me “why don’t you play with boys?” “Why do

you use to play with girls all the day long?” I told them this is

how I liked it. I didn’t play with boys; I always played with girls

and with my sisters. I loved it. And when I got into class V, I

started asking myself why am I different or why is it happening

to me? Then when I got a bit older I discovered that passing

time with boys made me feel good, touching them, holding their

hands made me feel excited. Started to feel the urge and desire

of sexual contact with boys, when I was at class VII or VIII.

(Seventh and eight h y ear in formal school ing ).

Misti, A Respondent.

In Misti’s experience he was not sure about his identity at his

childhood and he used to ask himself questions like why he was

like that and why is it happening to him, which is a conforma-

tion to some of the major characteristics of the first stage of

identity development like not being sure about own identity and

asking own self about his own identity.

There is another distinct characteristic of this stage which has

been shown by Cass as not to tell anyone about the feelings and

desires felt by the individual at this stage (Cass, 1984). This is

also found in many of the responses among which the response

of Shammi is cited below.

Aaaaa…when I was a kid, I thought I was a girl and I always

behaved like a girl. I used to say that I am a daughter of my

father. I have two brothers and a sister, I used to say that my

father has two daughters and two sons, that is… I thought I was

a daughter of my father. I did not try to hide what I was think-

ing of myself when I was a kid. But when I grew a bit older and

started to understand that what I was thinking was not accept-

able and was wrong, I started hiding my thoughts, feelings and

behavior from others. I realized that what I was thinking was

not acceptable. Shammi, A Respondent.

Identity Comparison

The second stage of identity development according to Cass

(1984) is the stage of identity comparison. At this stage the

confusion about self identity seems to be lessened and the indi-

vidual feels that he might be a homosexual. As a result, some of

them start alienating themselves from others and from the soci-

ety. Sometimes they also prefer to act like homosexuals and

seek for group identification (Cass, 1984).

All the cases studied here also conform to all these charac-

teristics of this stage. For example, Shabnur states:

When I became an adolescent I found that I don’t feel any

attraction to the girls. Even touching their hands didn’t create

any reaction into me. Rather I found that I like boys than girls

and their company made me happier and excited.

Shabnur, A Respondent.

There is another important characteristic of this stage ac-

cording to Cass and that is the feeling of being different from

others and feeling alienated from the society. This is also very

conforming to the experiences of the respondents. Regarding

this characteristic, the case of Selina seems to be highly rele-

vant. According to him:

And when I was in class six or seven I started to feel sexual

attraction to the boys. I fall in love with a teacher in my school

who was a male, but I never could tell him, actually never

could tell anybody. I kept asking myself why am I like this? Why

am I not like the other boys? Why don’t I feel any attraction to

the girls? Why I can’t do like all other boys do? Why I feel good

when I touch a boy, when I am with a boy? Why not with a girl?

I always used to think that I am a girl, somehow I have been

trapped in a body of a boy. I could not share all these with

others... I realized one thing clearly that I was a boy and what I

was thinking is not accepted by others. If some others get to

know that I was feeling this way and I was thinking this way, I

would have to face problems. That’s why I always tried to hide

my feelings and behavior from others. Selina, A Respondent.

Selina stated that he started to realize from the very child-

hood that he was not like the other boys surrounding him and

when he realized that he might be a koti, he started to feel dif-

ferent, alienated and scared. He was scared of facing problems

from others and from the society. That is why he tried to hide

his real feeling and behavior.

Identity Tolerance

The third stage of development is identity tolerance and at

this stage the individual becomes fairly sure about his own

sexual identity. He accepts his sexual identity as a homosexual

for the time being but he is not sure about the future role. He

tolerates the identity of a homosexual for the time being and he

seeks for persons who are like him (Cass, 1984).

Shammi stated clearly that when he became sure to some ex-

tent that he was a koti he tried to find other guys who were like

him. In his language it was:

Gradually I discovered that I started to dream about boys at

nights, I dreamt of beautiful boys and felt sexually excited. Then

one day one of my class mates told me that he wants to be

friend of mine. Then I had the first sexual experience of my life

with that friend. I was very much excited to do that and I

wanted to have someone who would penetrate me. But I used to

hide my feelings. Later I met with some other boys who were

kotis and they told me that what I am is called a koti, not a boy.

From them I learned that I am a koti. Shammi, A Respondent.

On the other hand the case of Ritu states much more clearly

about the fact that he wanted to find out and mix with some

other individuals who were like him. He explained this as be-

low:

…then I met a boy in my school who was in class X (the te n t h

year of formal schooling) then. Actually he identified me and

we had a good friendship. He was also like me and he told me

that what I actually feel inside me is not abnormal anyway. He

also felt the same way and he knew some others who were like

me. I met with some other boys who were like me through that

friend and they were much more senior to me. They were about

twenty to twenty five years old then. They taught me the term

koti and through them I got to know BSWS and came here.

(Explanation added) Ritu, A Respondent.

Both Shammi and Ritu said that they became fairly sure

about their sexual identity gradually when they became older.

But at that moment they were not fully sure about their future

identity. As well, both of them tried to find some other indi-

viduals who were like them and they felt comfortable with them

rather than with their known persons.

M. A. FERDOUSH

Identity Acceptance

After the identity tolerance, comes the fourth stage called

identity acceptance. This stage is marked by acceptance of the

identity and being totally sure about one’s sexual identity. At

this stage the individual is ready to tell others about his identity

and does not think that he should hide his identity as a homo-

sexual from others. As a result he starts passing more times

with homosexuals. But at the same time the individual is still in

doubt that others may create problem for him if they know

about his identity as a homosexual (Cass, 1984).

Regarding the acce pta nce of ide ntity all the respondents were

very confident. All were asked about their identity and all the

eighteen respondents identified themselves as being koti with-

out any hesitation.

Misti said:

Look I am a koti and I don’t have any doubt or confusion

about it. But the society does not recognize this identity. I my-

self think me as a koti. I think about myself such a way because

of my feelings, thoughts, behavior and my lifestyle.

Misti, A Respondent.

Sumona also clearly defined himself as a koti in the follow-

ing way:

I think I am a koti and I don’t have any doubt about it.

Though I have to face a lot of problems and difficulties because

of my identity, I am a koti. I have no problem to acknowledge in

front of others that I am a koti, but I can’t do it always because

it creates problems for me. Nobody would have been happier

than me if I could shout and say that I am a koti. Sometimes I

wish to do so, but you know, I can’t. Sumona, A Respondent.

On the other hand Mousumi says:

I am a koti, and I don’t think of myself anything except a koti.

Mousumi, A Respondent.

At this stage as Cass said, the individual becomes sure about

his identity and accepts it. All the respondents studied in this

study had accepted their identity as a koti and they did not even

hesitate to talk about their identitie s .

While answering questions about revealing sexual identity at

a later period of life and telling others about own sexual iden-

tity almost everyone conformed to the theory of Cass (1984).

The case of Selina is well elaborative of this stage.

Selina explained this event as below:

Well my parents did not know that I am a koti at the begin-

ning. I also tried to hide my thoughts and feelings from them.

But when I was in Class IX or X, I told them that I was not a

normal boy. I told them everything about me and told them that

I have nothing to do in this matter. They were shocked. Then

my parents tried a lot to change me, they took me to the doctor,

to the kabiraj (traditional healers) but nothing happened. (Ex-

planation added) Selina, A Respondent.

Problems Encountered by the Kotis

Being a koti and living in a traditional society like Bangla-

desh the kotis have to face a lot of problems. Every one proba-

bly took the longest time when asked about the problems they

face being a koti to reply. The major problems faced by the

kotis are discussed below.

Behavior Pattern

The behavior pattern of the kotis is itself a problem for them.

No one accepts the way a koti behaves. A koti behaves like a

girl, talks like a girl, walks like a girl and plays the role of a girl

during sexual intercourse. They cannot always hide their be-

havior pattern from the outsiders. As a result of their behavior

they face problems from the society, because the society ex-

pects him to act like a male, not like a female.

Family Relationship

The biggest problem for a koti probably rises from his family.

In most of the cases the parents can’t accept it. Sometimes they

totally cut off their relationship with him, brothers and sisters

also don’t want to recognize him as brother. He becomes com-

pletely a rootless person. Sometimes they are not even allowed

to participate in family decisions and marriage ceremonies of

siblings.

Relationsh ip with Relatives

It is obvious that if the parents don’t continue any relation

with their child then the relatives would not do so. All the rela-

tives also don’t want to keep any relationship with the koti. As

a result the koti becomes totally a lonely person who has no-

where to go except his koti friends.

Property Inheritance

There are instances also that the koti is being deprived of his

inherited property. Sometimes his father does not allow him to

inherit any property and someti mes his siblings ch eat him. Ma ny

of the respondents told that they were deprived of their inher-

ited property.

Distinction between Hijra and Koti

Almost all the kotis said that the major problem for them is

the common people’s inability to distinguish between a hijra

and a koti. Most of the people don’t know about kotis. As a

result when they see a boy is behaving like a girl, they catego-

rize him as a hijra commonly and treat him like a hijra.

Police Harassment

Another major problem for the kotis is harassment by the po-

lice. They can’t go to the police for any support. Because they

know most of the times the police will harass them, they will

sometimes take bribe from them instead of helping them. Not

only that, sometimes the police takes bribe from them only in

exchange of the guarantee of free movement.

Sexual Harassment

A large proportion of the kotis are sexually harassed both by

the police and the local mastans (muscle men). There are sev-

eral examples of being raped and to have sexual intercourse

against the permission and will of the koti by the local mastans

and goons.

Teasing and Abusive Comments in Public Place

All the kotis are victim of teasing and abusive comments in

public places like bus, public gatherings, streets and so on.

People make fun of them and insult them by throwing filth,

bottles and stones to them.

M. A. FERDOUSH

262

Recognition by Others

Not being recognized by others is a major problem for the

kotis. Their parikh (relatively permanent partner), friends and

colleagues even don’t want to recognize them in front of others.

As a result self hatred and frustration develop within them.

Relations h i p between a Koti and a P ari k h

The parikh is a relatively permanent partner of a koti. A koti

develops a romantic relationship with his parikh and perceives

him as his husband. A parik is like a boy friend to a koti. It’s a

relationship of loyalty and love. A koti and his parikh some-

times live together in a rented house or room like a husband and

a wife, sometimes they don’t live together but their relationship

remains the same. A parikh while having a relationship with a

koti is not permitted to have any other relationship with another

koti or another female. The koti plays the role of a female in

this relationship. He maintains the household, does all the house-

hold chores like cooking and washing. Sometimes the koti help s

his parikh financially also. But the major problem in this rela-

tionship is that it is not permitted by the society as well as by

the law. As a result the parikh can leave the koti whenever he

wants to and the koti can do nothing about it. Moreover, the

parikh, most of the times, don’t want to recognize his koti part-

ner in front of others only because they are not accepted and

stigmatized by the larger society.

Discussions

Identity Confusion

The first stage is identity confusion and at this stage the koti

is not even sure about his sexual identity. He sometimes ques-

tions himself why he is so different from others, and why he is

like this. But he does not even think that he is a homosexual. A

doubt can cross his mind but he does not approve it within

himself. At this stage there is nothing which is related to stigma.

But he falls in the third pattern of stigmatized individual ac-

cording to Goffman (1963) at this stage. Because he starts to

realize that homosexuals are stigmatized in the society and if

his feelings and thoughts are identified as homosexual he might

be stigmatized. As a result he becomes much conscious and

scared of his sexual identity and never wants to reveal it in front

of others.

Identity Comparison

Identity comparison is the second stage of identity develop-

ment as a koti. At this stage the koti’s confusion about his sex-

ual identity seems to be lessened. He feels that he might be

different from others and begins to alienate himself from others.

A couple of stigma management strategies work here, these are

covering and information control. The koti does not want to

reveal his thoughts and behaviors in front of others and thus

alienates him from others because he does not want to be dis-

criminated before he even is sure about his sexual identity. At

the same time he starts searching for people who are like him

and searches for a group alignment. This is the strategy of in-

group alignment. The koti also acts like a normal heterosexual

at this stage which involves the strategy of passing. These are

the strategies used at this stage of identity development to man-

age stigma by a koti.

Identity Tolerance

The third stage of identity development as a koti is identity

tolerance. At this stage the koti becomes quite sure about his

identity and tolerates it, though he is not quite ready to reveal

his identity in front of others. The identity tolerance is a strat-

egy of stigma management which is called information control.

Within himself he now knows that he is a koti and he is differ-

ent from others, but he hides this information from others as a

strategy of stigma mana geme nt . He also acts like a heterosexual

that can be termed as passing to manage stigma. He acts like

this so that nobody could know about his real identity and the

stigma attached with it. He remains as a discreditable person at

this stage. In-group alignment is also used as a strategy to

manage the stigma because he keeps searching for groups and

people like him.

Identity Acceptance

Identity acceptance is the fourth stage of the development of

a koti identity. At this stage the koti accepts his identity as a

koti but still he does not reveal his identity in front of all others.

He still remains as a discreditable person. At this stage he is

ready to reveal his sexual identity in front of few selected per-

sons. These may be his friends, his relatives or some other kotis.

He does this as a strategy of stigma management which is the

in-group alignment. By revealing his identity to only a selected

others he wants himself to be added in a group and feels secure.

But the selection is very important. He only selects those whom

he believes. He also starts passing more time with them as a

result of the in-group alignment. But the strategy of passing

continues to be adopted to hide his real identity from others. He

also is in an insecure position at this stage as he thinks that

others may create problem if they know that he is a koti, thus

the strategy of covering is also adopted by him at this stage.

Conclusion

The objective of this study was to find out how the kotis in

Dhaka manage the stigma involved with their sexual identity

and what the strategies they follow to do so are. What the cur-

rent study has found is that the kotis in Dhaka have to pass

through different stages of identity development as a koti and at

all these stages they have to manage stigma. The identity of a

koti is a stigmatized one and they knowingly or unknowingly

have adopted the strategies to manage the stigma shown by

Goffman (1963). Koti identity is a stigmatized one and a koti

has to live with stigma. But what he does is that he tries to re-

main discreditable rather than discredited to his best.

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